Been a while for my last post so i'm just going to cut right straight to the point on why I am here pretty much. I have been Best Friends with Tammy Dawn Meade for a few months now, and you know it has been the greatest friendship I have ever had. It truly amazes me still that we became friends in a blink of an eye. But now i'm starting to feel something. Something that feels very strong, and that could just rise to the surface. It's more of a weird feeling when i'm around her. I probably should have seen this coming. Maybe I was just denying it the entire time, and ignoring all the signs that I was giving off myself. I couldn't help myself though she has treated me more of a person then anyone I know off. I've been hurt before but it's like I feel a real connection with her. It's like she's more then just some girl. She's someone who I would give my whole heart to. I trust her with my life, and Joesph is such a wonderful little boy. He always makes me smile when I see him.
Tammy has been through so much in her life compared to me. Like in ways we have our opposites like she's an outdoor person, and a country girl, and well i'm an indoor person, and more of a city boy. Just by how my lifestyle is, and such. Yet we have this way to connect heart to heart. I'm struggling with myself thinking do I really want to be "involved" with her. If that were to happen who knows what things would change. I've seen things like these happen before. Two best friends get close, start a relationship, have sex, and so on, and then it goes down hill from there. Well maybe I am just thinking to much but that's me. I think way to much. Tammy is right that my biggest problem is is that I worry to much about the little things, and the future. I need to worry about right now I suppose. Lucky I did talk to her about all this cause it was a big help for me that's for sure.
Time will tell when things start to happen. Hell maybe it's just something i'm going through. It might just pass through. It's not like i'm the only one who gets feelings for their friends. Like for one the main reason I know why I have feelings is because she actually cares. She treats me the same way I treat her. It does make total sense like most of my life I was treated like a lap dog, and now I feel like someone who actually understands me, who actually listens to what I say, and can say that they get what i'm going through, and can help me. She's a caring understanding person, and I love her dearly. She means the world to me. If anything would happen to her I would just collapse, and say just take my life please, and end it. I wouldn't even have a reason to live anymore. She has my heart. She always has.
I even told her that my dying wish was for her to have my child if anything were to happen to me. That's pretty big of me wouldn't you say. I only said it because I trust her, and I told her the same thing. I trust her as a mother completely. I love her as my friend for sure but i'm wondering can I love her as more then that. She is beautiful that's for sure. Everything I see inside, and out is true beauty. Am I going to be a fool in love with a 21 year girl that has a 1 year old child. I just as well could be. If you can feel what i'm feeling it would just be a struggle. Tammy sure amazes me in every way. We never fight. We always talk about things whenever there is a problem. Never yell, and scream. We have actually heart to heart conversations. Could I have found the woman of my dreams? Could she be the one for me? It could have been right under my nose but I just didn't want to believe it? Wow life is full of surprises that's for sure.
The only thing I really know what's next is Tammy's birthday, and I cannot wait for that to happen. I want her birthday to be special because she has been going through such a hard time, and I want to make her feel special. She should feel special on her birthday. A lot of people don't see what I see in her. I'm sure Greg does of course but i'm sure you would know what I'm talking about. Anyway that is it for now so I bid you all a farwell.
